i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
