You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
