This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
