every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
