Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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