Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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