Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
