Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
