At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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