i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
