Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
