oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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