Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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