i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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