could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
