Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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