to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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