So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
