I wanna bring you to show and tell
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
