I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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