my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
