My liver just broke up with me...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
