Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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