What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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