i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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