dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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