I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
