Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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