so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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