I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
