And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
