Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
