drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize