We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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