Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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