she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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