we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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