If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
