Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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