you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
