Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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