What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
