The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
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posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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