I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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