Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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