Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
