i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had sex on a roof
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
