Your tits are I can't wait for
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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