2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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