Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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