i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
