I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize