Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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