it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
