just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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