good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
