My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize