I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
