Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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