Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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