I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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