I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
