With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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