Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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