Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
