He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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