I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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