I must be too annoying 4 u.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
