He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
